WRITERS BLOCK

Indescribable, truly unsatisfying. Bittersweet misery is what it is.

I've learned many things from one person. He changed & affected my life a lot, and I'm thankful for everything I've experienced with him. I don't regret anything at all. I am a better person now because of him & I'm grateful that he allowed me to be a part of his life. He taught me how to love and he showed me that perfection is in the eye of the beholder. But he also taught me that no matter how much you care/love someone, it doesn't mean that they feel the same. I admit I was foolish to eat all the lies & bullshit I was fed.. but lesson learned. I understand that shit happens, and everything will change sooner or later even tho you don't want it to. I don't mind change, but what kills my soul is that if I looked into his eyes.. I wouldn't see me anymore & if I placed my hand in his.. they wouldn't fit perfectly together anymore. I thought of him as my better half so when he left, I lost half of me. I've been hurt over and over again but I'll never forget the happiness I felt. The type of happiness you can't put into words like when I hear his voice at night before I sleep or when he holds me and I don't want him to let go. I don't want to eat at fancy restaurants or be given diamond necklaces, I jus wanted to be appreciated and loved. I did all I could and tried my best but in the end.. It still wasn't enough. Now someone else has replaced me. Someone else took my spot, but I'm not angry. I told him I will always care for him, that wasn't a lie. I care enough about him to let him go and be happy. Even if it's not with me. I have to let him be free. I apologize for everything, I'm sorry that I wasted his time. I'm sorry that everything that meant so much to me.. now means nothing to him. I will never forget the good times we had together. When I reminisce, I begin to miss it all. But it's hard to keep my chin up because "life's a prison when you're in love alone". Someone I loved, turned their back on me and left me with broken hopes and promises.

I don't love him, I don't miss him either.. I miss who he was, I don't know who he is anymore. First love. Last heartache.

ETC. (more to come)